The Earl of Southampton's Cat

I told it plain.  I sayt:  An Earl once gave a great dinner, and the kitchen door stood wide for air because all the ovens were at work.

A lurking fox guessed that after the cooks were done they would have their own feast.  He could smell the soft breads and the wheels of cheese they’d set forth on their board. 

Then a joint of roasted mutton came back scarce touched from the Earl’s table.  The cooks put it on theirs.

The fox watched and waited, and when all backs were turned he crept into the kitchen and hid behind the breads.  He coiled hisself tight and lay there like a loaf new-baked, with a tawny crust.

The cooks went to the buttery to draw themselves some ale.  It was well for the kitchen cat that he went too, else he had been blamed for what came next.

The fox uncurled hisself, seized the mutton, and made off.

He ran till he came to a pond, where a cat had crouched long with her paws in the water waiting for a fish.  She was about to scoop one when the fox came up beside her, and frightened it away.

The fox was joyed to see her lose her fish.  He oped his mouth to tell her she’d get nowt for sitting like a statue; she must be both sly and swift if she wished to eat.  But instead, he dropped his meat into the pond.

Then he raged at that poor cat, saying:  See what you made me do?

She ran from him, and up a tree.  Now it was the fox’s turn to wet his paws, but he could not lift his dinner from the water.

So he begged the cat to come and hook it with her claws.

“No,” sayt she.  “All you mean to do is punish me for your folly.”

He sayt he would go into the pond.  Were he to push and she to pull, together they might carry it away.

He even promised her a share.  She sat fast in the tree.

The fox went home most sorrowful.  The cat came down and tried to lift the meat, but it was heavy.  She watched a while, and saw that fish were coming by to nibble on it.  She hooked out one that she ate there, and took another for her kitlings.

And she went back many a day to catch more, for fish came to eat of the mutton till nowt remained but bone.

So, friends, thus we learn that while foxes may be tricksie, we cats have prudence and patience enough to win the day!

And so my tale ended.

Now, in truth, the cats of my old household would have scorned it, for there was not one word of scandal.

But the dullards here praised it, and called for another.  I sayt I would bring a better one to our next assembly, and all went away most cheerful.

I hastened after the cats who led me to the meeting place, for I feared that the gate to the house might be closed.  I knew no other entry.

They went to the kitchen door.  One called for admittance, and we all ran in.

From there I followed the brinded cat across a little court [courtyard] to where a door to the house was open.

And as we walked along the passage I struck him on his backside to remind him that he was now below me.  (There being none to see, there was no need to front him as a cat of honour should.) 

Then I did jet it ahead of him into the great hall, taking long strides and swinging my shoulders most powerful.  Like a cat who takes his rightful place, which I now do.

Though I pray my sweet maggot will return to help me with my next tale, for I fear much may be expected of me.